Anti-depressants, Charlie Castor

Auditioning Anti-depressants

Auditioning Anti-depressants, Charlie Castor, Fun with Depression

Inside a small room, a panel of three judges are sitting in a row, sifting through papers, and discussing previous auditions. They represent the prestigious talent agency, Jane’s Brain.

Judge 1: Are we ready for the next one?

Judges express agreement.

Judge 1: (Speaks loudly. Addresses open door.) Let’s have the next one in please.

A pill walks into the room. He weighs about 20mg and is of slim build. He wears a hat and carries a cane.

Judge 1: Good-morning. How is it that you pronounce your name?

Pill: Tim.

Judge 1: No, I mean your surname.

Pill laughs nervously

Pill: Oh, right of course. It’s Ventatroxatrophin.

Judges look disconcerted. They murmur to each other.

Judge 2: Ok, in your own time, Tim. Off you go…

Pill starts to dance.

Judges talk to each other while Pill dances.

Judge 3: I don’t like his name very much. Ventatroxatrophin doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.

Judge 1: Mind you, it wouldn’t be helpful if anti-depressants were always rolling off the tongue!

Judges laugh.

Judge 2: Very good, James. Very good. But seriously, what prior experience has he had?

Judge 1: I believe he’s been employed by both Peter’s Brain and Marjorie’s Brain.

Judge 3: Well, Marjorie’s Brain is an up-and-coming agency.

Judge 1: I don’t know. I’ve heard some strange things about pills who worked there.

Judge 3: Oh?

Judge 1: I heard that they employed some fellow who decreased sexual drive amongst co-workers.

Judge 2: Well, that’s not very good. I don’t particularly like working with people who decrease my sexual drive.

Judges sit in silence for a few moments watching dancing pill.

Judge 3: Personally, I seem to be experiencing an increase.

Judge 1: I’m feeling a decrease myself.

Judge 2: Hmmm, I’m not feeling anything really.

Judge 3: Shall we employ him for a two week trial and see what happens?

Judge 1: Yes I think we should give him a shot. If all these claims he makes on his resume are to be believed, he might give our company the boost we need to get out of this downward spiral.

Judges express agreement.


4 thoughts on “Auditioning Anti-depressants”

  1. What a delightfully different post. Love the creative, innovative idea and the style with which you implemented! Also, as you probably already know, the format (plenty of white space) made it quite inviting and easy on the eyes to read. Really adored this!

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